i've been feeling a bit under-appreciated lately. it just seems like i can't do anything right. as you know from my last post, the female human was not happy when i ate some toothpicks the other day. i still don't get what the big deal was. but she was so annoyed about it she spread the news all over the place. she blogged about it, she posted it in a site she just can't stop raving about called ravelry. i think she's raving about it there, because it's a place for raving lunatics, hence the name: rave - lry, see? she'll definitely fit right in there, lol!
but she 'insists' it's all about that stuff she does with all those fancy toothpicks she collects but doesn't like me using. what is that word for that stuff, anyway? she calls it something 'fancy'...crafting? creating? knitting? that's it, 'knitting'. wanna know what else? i can't be absolutely sure, but i think she may even have joined twitter just so she can tweet about me. she doesn't think i know this stuff, lol. she thinks she's doing these things when i'm not looking. but i'm always looking! i'm just crafty. but a different kind of crafty. i mastered the digital camera! woof! i tell you, she goes to extremes to conceal her activities from me: 
yes, that's her, furtively typing away while in the toilet. the toilet!if only she knew i could see her, and that you can too!
while i'm on the topic - why is it she has a special room for a toilet? and the other humans, too? i have to 'go outside'. how i hate that phrase. i can be seen! but the humans 'need their privacy'. sometimes it's so cold outside that my pee nearly freezes on the way out! some day they'll be shouting "satan, come in. In! IN!" all the while while wondering why i don't.
don't? don't? it will be a case of WON'T - i won't be able to come in because i'm fused to the lawn via a urine icicle! but the humans?
no no no no no! as illustrated in the background of the shocking photo above, THEY get a radiator to heat up their special little pee/poo room.
i just don't get it... i've asked my big sister, elle, about it, as she has humans in her house too. she doesn't get it either. then again, she has her own problems, her humans have a cat! a feline monstrosity the humans call 'snowball', and sometimes, 'fatcat'. a bit like my humans disparaging me by calling me 'satan'. elle and i call the feline the last name! but take this in, if you will. fatcat doesn't have to 'go outside' if he doesn't want to. the humans have given him a something called a 'litter box'. it's our understanding this is fairly common gifting behavior in human-cat relationships, but elle and i wouldn't know about that kind of thing, not knowing many cats, nor wanting to, for that matter! what's worse is that elle's humans have taken their cat-coddling a step further, they have provided 'fatcat' with his own teeny tiny pee/poo room, complete with door, it lookes like this:
the last time i saw something like that was just before i had a pillowcase pulled over my head. then i was tossed into this thing and the door locked firmly behind me. when they finally let me out again, i was in a small, badly lit room, on a cold stainless steel table surrounded by some unknown humans. at least they looked human, but it was an awfully lot like an episode of x-files... one of the male humans stuck a jag in me with a huge needle. if that wasn't bad enough, he then stuck his finger right up my bum. i KNOW! so, i guess i'm glad i'm not elle, because i really don't want to ever see one of those ever again. wait. what's that sound?
ssshhhhh, i think i hear the pitter patter of human feet. gotta go...fast!
woof!
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